Does your relationship dictate your habits, or do your habits dictate the relationship you end up in?
A common area of life that is difficult to navigate for some of my clients is the complexities of being in a relationship while pursuing one's own health goals.
One of the questions I ask in my initial intake form for my clients is whether are not they are in a relationship.
"Dev, you're a wellness coach, not a therapist - why would you ask that?"
Fair question bud. The reason I ask is to beg the question: Does your partner support your health journey?". Better yet, is your partner on a health journey as well? Do they have goals they are aspiring towards??
The relationship you lead (based on my anecdotal experience) can either be a catalyst to a healthful life, or an anchor.
Don't Just Take My Word, It's Been Studied!
A 2017 systematic review delved into the connection between relationships and health outcomes of the partners involved. Long story short, a possible causative relationship was noted between one partner's mental / physical health and the other's.
One glaring aspect of the article to note is the findings of the connection and convergence of both partners' daily habits. It was noted in the article that people tend to attract those who lead a similar lifestyle that which reflects his/her's at the time. When you think about your every day living with a partner, you pool your finances together, carry out activities together, share stressors and set goals together. This was also noted as a factor in the article.
An additional finding to note regarding health outcomes was that couples’ mutual influence can be beneficial or harmful to health behaviors and health [outcomes] (Meyler et al., 2007).
The Socio-economic Determinants of Health
In nursing school, at the University of Calgary, we talked about a concept known as the socio-economic determinants of health (SEDOHs). These are non-medical aspects in a person's life that which affect their health outcomes. We were taught to keep these aspects in mind in a nursing health assessment.
This in mind, when you reference the SEDOH cube, relationships fall under the categories of social support network, community & family. This, again, begs the question, is your relationship environment (especially with a live-in partner) conducive to the healthful life you wish to lead?
Live the Life You Wish to Lead Guided by the Habits Required to Reach Your Goal - Alignment of Healthful Relationships Will Take Care of Themselves
I repeat: the relationship you lead (based on my anecdotal experience) can either be a catalyst to a healthful life, or an anchor.
Why not reverse - engineer the process??
Ask yourself, "what health outcomes am I aiming for?", "what habits are required for me to reach this goal?", and finally, "WHEN (not if) I practice these daily habits, will these habits align with the life lead by a potential partner?". This was definitely a screening tool I used when I was single and, likely, a reason I was single for a long time (no regrets, whatsoever).
It is most common that one will evolve whilst in the weeds of a relationship, rather than prior to entering said relationship. If that's the case, it's important to establish if your partner is, in the very least, on board with the changes you are making. Better yet, are they inspired by your desire to change, the actions you are carrying out and the results they see in you as you transform? How they react to your transformation (in my opinion, from experience) will determine if they are an enabler for your health, or to revert back to old habits.
3 Simple Tips When Making NEW Health Changes While ALREADY in a Relationship
Set Boundaries. If your current partner is not yet ready to make the leap you are making, that's fine. Just draw your line in the sand if a current, old habit they do does not line up with the changes you are making for yourself. It's ok to agree to disagree at times as you evolve. It may take time for your partner to catch up as they find their own footing on their path to health.
Communicate! For example, my man is a "hard gainer", this means he can eat an entire pizza to himself without gaining a pound. I most certainly DO NOT fall under this category. This means when we go out for a meal together, we merely compromise on a place that has options that align with my goal, while also fulfilling both of our taste-palettes.
Support each other with setbacks & hype each other up when you win. On the days you need to vent about stressors slowing you down, talk about it! Similarly, on the days you crush a PR at the gym or high a new plyo vertical - celebrate them together!
You are going to evolve every day on your journey to a healthier you. Remain cognizant of your every day physical and emotional environment that which can enable enable or deter your growth.
Never be afraid to grow, regardless of whether your partner is immediately in the same space you are. Just go for it.
Let them be inspired and catch up to you. If they don't, well - that's something you can not control.